There was so much more I wanted to say. You looked at me, I looked away. Distance was always easier

Safer, I guess.

I wonder how much life i’ve lost in the second guess. Happiness like a portrait by Rembrant

Cold and smiling.

Renissance living, Rennissance dying

(Hold my hand)

There’s no more time to stand stand starring

When someone somewhere is dying alone. And someone outside is having a smoke

And someone loved is watching the stars. And someone in love  is playing guitar

Far far, away

(Today is loveliest today)

Thin swale afternoon Thin swale afternoon

Kiss the world right on the lips

I’m watching you and your watching the crisp crinkled sky. How swell it is to be alive in this swift reeling life, hands entwining hearts unwiding shoes tap dancing to whatever songs we need to sing. (I am glad to be.) Loneliness is pending happiness is everlasting, and there’s so much still do before we die. Loveliness is sifting from your mind to my mind, the clouds are drinking in the sky the land is drinking in the earth, and we are drinking in, drinking in, what the dead left behind. Oh love, its not quite time. God how swell it is to be alive.

I want to make my life a work of art. Its this grand obsession I have, like the little kid at the beach who wants to make his sand-castle the biggest and the most beautiful. Jeuvenille, I know. Sometimes I wonder if I spend way too much time questioning, dipping my toes into the cold water and pulling them out again, when I should really be jumping in and smiling at Hell. The earth is made of dirt, dark brown gritty dirt and the sky is nice but just starring gets old.

One of these days I am going to stop theorizing about life and happiness. Because people who really live don’t write about it or roll it around in their minds, they swallow it whole and throw their colors at the canvas laughing. I’d rather sink into beauty, than wander through its cold gallery. Give me the dark muddy earth. The sticky little leaves.

I wish I wasn’t paralyzed here, starring at the stars .

I’d rather sink with you into the grass.

In the dark winter of  my heart

I loved you

In the quiet chill of white snow lashes

And rose colored hats

I wanted it to last

and you did too

(There was so much life in you)

There was so much to love

To swallow with our eyes

But there was only enough time to pass it by

Smile a little

Like art hanging on the wall

Meant only to look at

You wish you could drink it whole

There are only a few things that I can love

Deep to the oceans floor

And the snow it simmers just beneath you.

Hello.

One day life will be the canvas where we paint our souls. And our colors will go, oh oh how they will go. Love. Shade me in gold and grey and the color of rain. I hope we fall in love with everyday, I hope I stop wishing it away. I keep waiting for everything to fall into place, when really I should just paint and paint and let the colors splash my face.

And ya, I looked nice today, but you don’t notice anyways. And you look nice like green and grey on a stormy day, but thats just personal taste. I think about all the days where I could’ve lived in better ways, but regret should go to hell with what we diddn’t say. You were in my mind like grey grey rain fogging up the window panes. I hope you find the time to love love love whatever makes you love.

I love the way life throws you to the dogs, but doesn’t let you die. (Most of the time). Let’s go to hell and drink red wine, stop wishing we lead fuller lives. You were in my mind. I didn’t mind. And there’s time time time to fall in love

with,

me.

-Take me to the riot by the Stars. Basically a non 80’s version of a Smiths song (and I love the Smiths). It makes me crave Friday nights, people I miss, late night drives with the music blasting, and downtown Annapolis.

http://www.myspace.com/stars

-Blood Bank by Bon Iver. This song is like falling in love. It has that unearthly wintered sadness about it that knits loneliness to love without forcing you to feel either (and if the lyrics were tangible, they would be snowflakes melting on your tongue.)

http://www.imeem.com/artists/bon_iver/music/54yRTZ5x/bon-iver-blood-bank/

-Tomorrow comes a Day Too Soon, by Flogging Molly. Everything about this song lifts your spirits. The slightly chaotic blur of instruments mixed with jolly lyrics and a shot of Irish tipsiness goes straight to your stomach like one of those warm sweatshirt hugs.

http://www.imeem.com/artists/flogging_molly/music/2rR7fMOl/flogging-molly-tomorrow-comes-a-day-too-soon/

-All Unfolding by Ah Holly Fam’ly. Something comes alive in you when you listen to this song. I don’t know whether it’s the rich slightly off balanced harmony, or the way the clarinet stirred with vocals rolls onto your tongue and down your throat, but something about its sound makes your soul ache a little bit — like beauty when it is too perfect, or loving someone so much.

http://www.imeem.com/groups/SAL1zcNh/music/dNDAQuIA/ah-holly-famly-all-unfolding/

-Take These Thoughts by Chris and Thomas. The thin pluck of the banjo against their haunting bluesy vocals is the sound of a train in the distance or tumbleweed blowing off main street. It inevitably leaves you feeling a little bit lost and a little bit lonely, yet completely enchanted.

http://www.myspace.com/chrisandthomas

-Step Outside by The Finches. If this song was a painting it would be the blurry pastel of a river surrounded by green green trees. The lightheartedness of its atmosphere is almost deceiving, but if you stare long enough you can tell that the wind is blowing thickly through the leaves and stirring the grey river with its tongue.

http://www.imeem.com/people/G5uWvxD/music/T-txbTuI/the-finches-step-outside/

The rain is splintering softly on these foggy gown’d fields and you are somewhere telling yourself that it is not enough to just watch.

These red lipped gypsy dancing leaves are what you are to me.

Sink into the earth beside me and we will drink  into our lungs all that we have loved (our hearts turning red with the leaves our hearts turning gold and green.) I am so tired of watching.

Shatter your soul like glass against mine I want to feel you burning inside me, it is not enough to just love you.

The leaves are ashes from a cigarette

That Gabriel rolled from man’s regret

I am told it is how God chose to forget (our sin)

They watched us while we smiled at the sky

They wore their slippers by the sun-side

And blew the wind into our eyes

There was wind in your eyes

Sing sweetly, your red ribbon lips pressed  against my sunless thoughts. Your voice is bouncing off a trumpet solo that Gabriel learned when he was five and played for Jesus Christ. Please. I go to the place where milk is white where rain is green, my heart inside an orange tree. Come and find me in the reed swinging spring, I’m a child with a lisping dream of  honey flowers flowering and your voice in the windy walkings of her singing.

Play me a song on your cherry-wood cello, sing to me from the purple caves that the winking fairy’s gave dark names. Please. Hold  my smooth pearl mind in your grey oyster heart where we will name the voices of the dark and stare like stony swirled statues, slipping from their mindless minds and turning all our hopeless hope-ings into swimming hearts of bluish love (you are the one) sting my soul like yellow budding bumblebees who smile on their pedals pinking. I’m starring at the words we colored in with little children’s crayons.

Don’t cloud my mind with thoughts of better things. I’m here, let the wind blow my grassy mind. Wherever I am, there is always somewhere better, wherever I go other people will be happier- but isn’t that the world?

Somewhere people are falling in love. Somewhere people are watching their loved ones die. But thats the point. Were not in heaven and were not in hell, were somewhere in between (thanks Adam)– so get ready cause they’re both gonna wink at you.

Hold on tight. Let go. Fall in love. Mess up, and when you do make sure you laugh.

Keep Messing up. (Its a good thing).

My Dad always told me, “if your not messing up, your not learning.”  And this doesn’t mean sin, it means love and love and love, and if you screw up trying, you screw up trying. Just get up and start over.

Die a little each day, let it sting. Isn’t that what dying to yourself means-trying and knowing that failure is an option. At the end of my life I hope I can say that I failed a lot, because you can’t have success without it.

Kiss the earth, because God called it good. Have purpose. Find someone to share that purpose with.

Get exited.