Ya love,

Turn the radio all the way up

Something good will come on

If we talk long enough

Look at the snow all white and sinless

Your skin looks nice up against it

We could leave footprints

That will just disappear

And I can see through your eyes

they are so clear

Maybe this is as good as it gets

Maybe this is enough to get by on

I keep waiting for the snow

To cover me whole

Are our souls just dried up ocean’s

Waiting for the rain to fall?

People are beautiful

But they are never full.

If I wait long enough

Will I understand what this is for?

The salt in your breath

Is stinging me

And you,

Are never close enough to me.

How long has it been since you looked me in the eye

Pressed my hand inside your palm

Closed the door on the thinly falling rain

How long has it been

Since we stretched our legs by the riverbank

The lovely air is circling my throat

Like a string of pearls strung from your words

I can’t remember if you loved me

or just loved the world

When we stretched our legs by the riverbank

I’m looking back on the days that waved goodbye

I’m sitting on the warm wood pier where love felt right

How long will it be ti’l you carve my name in the sand

How long will it be

Ti’l we stretch our legs by the riverbank

Tomorrow will light up the world with the morning

Like the thin cigarette pressed between your lips

Tomorrow will light up the world with the morning

Like the slow waking steam of the river’s breath

Tomorrow will light up the world with the morning

Your silhouette near my silhouette

If the rest of my life was a word I could write,

I would write it in the palm of your hand.

Look into my eyes

We’ll only do this once

Before our paths slide merrily along, somewhere else.

There were better days waiting

But we perfered these

Sitting on the swingset of memory

Moving up and down to the rhythm of words

Writing our stories on the space between the stars

Hoping that emptiness would not describe us

There isn’t much to say

It rained today and snow was in the air

I thought of you, but kept mostly to myself

Hummed the tune to a sad song

Said hello to a few people, made some good

and bad small talk

I did other things too, but none of them meant much

The day just ended like an unfinished conversation

that could have been deep

or a moment that could have been siezed

and wasn’t.

(I don’t know)

But when I walked to the car in the damp evening

I had the sudden desire to make the day something more

To drive to an open field and yell to the stars

or maybe just turn the music loud and drive.

But I was tired and little sad

And there would be other days.

It snowed today love, and everything was hushed and new. It made me sad to be alone– the night so deeply dark against the pale world, the pinprick light of the stars so far away.

Love lightly on this cold grey gravel morning, that blue bellied cloud is slumped against the dark roll of  hills outside my window. The sun is barely stirring but the wind is buzzing on dark espresso. Washed out wheat fields, just barely gold, the fields shaded ever so slightly with a brush stroke of green and these trees have not quite shed their silhouettes. Love lightly.

la la la

what the hell am I doing here

watching the rain on the pavement

thinking about the way you smiled right into my eyes

what the hell am I doing

what the hell am I doing

laughing with you about the fat bird

in the bush outside McDonalds

we threw frech fries at him

but he couldn’t fly

He was so fat

la la la

what the hell were we thinking

when we took the road that led out of town

with the music on so damn loud

la la la

why the hell

why the hell

did we drink so many cups of coffee

while Augustine was watching

why the hell did you wrap your arms around me

telling me you loved me

why the hell did we laugh so hard

we laughed so hard

la la la

why the hell is life so sticky and sappily sweet

why did I ever feel I needed more

when life was falling falling falling on us

and we were falling falling into it.

The rain was building in your eyes and there was nothing I could do, my hand resting helplessly on your back, your frame shaking like a reed in too much wind. I wanted to give you happiness, like it was a bird I could rest on you shoulder, but  we both knew that was for you to find.

All I could do was lean into you a little more my eyes on the carpet, and say something about life being fucked up and people being misunderstanding. You weren’t even listening. I don’t blame you.

Later you told me you were doing better, happy even. You took a walk  to the park behind your house with a friend and that was enough. The world is so big you said. It’s so big and there is so much to love.

Then I realized that I was wrong. No one finds happiness, it more hits you like a brief smile from a stranger. I think those small realizations are as close as we’ll ever get to it. Those brief moments in time when the world is irresistable. But thats what they’re for, you know, to keep us on the edge of our seats,waiting (a little impatiently), for whatever it is that comes after all this.